Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Palazzo Awaits in Ostuni, Italy
Escape to Paradise in Ostuni: A Messy, Honest, and Utterly Captivating Review
Alright, buckle up buttercups, because I’ve just crawled out of Escape to Paradise: Your Dream Palazzo Awaits in Ostuni, Italy, and I’m still processing the sheer, overwhelming… stuff of it all. Let’s be real: this place aims for paradise, but it's got a very human side. And trust me, the imperfections are part of the charm.
First Impressions: The White City Beckons (And the Valet Struggles… a Little)
So, Ostuni, the "White City." It's breathtaking. Honestly, just the drive there, winding through olive groves, made me feel like I was in a movie. The Palazzo itself? Stunning. Okay, let's be clear—it's not perfect. The exterior, all whitewashed walls and bougainvillea spilling over balconies, is straight out of a travel magazine. (Accessibility: Elevators are available for those needing them - a huge plus!)
But here's the real tea. Getting my colossal suitcase out of my car? That was a fun time. The valet parking… bless their hearts, their patience was tested by my… let's say… enthusiastic packing. (Getting around: Car park on-site). The car park is free, which is a win, but it's a bit of a scramble to get in and out. Consider yourself warned!
Rooms: Luxurious, but… Let's Talk About Those Blackout Curtains.
My room? Gorgeous. Seriously. The **(Available in all rooms: Air conditioning, Free Wi-Fi) ** were essential! The enormous bed begged to be jumped on, the bathroom had a bathtub you could practically swim in, and the toiletries were, as the Italians say, molto bene. (Available in all rooms: Bathrobes, Hair dryer, Slippers, Towels, Toiletries).
Now, the (Available in all rooms: Blackout curtains)… they almost worked. Like, 70% effective, which is a feat in itself. Still, when the sun decided to blaze in that morning, I was rudely awoken because of the curtains.
**(Available in all rooms: Coffee/tea maker, Complimentary tea, Mini bar, Refrigerator, Safety/security feature: In-room safe box) ** are all the basics and well-curated.
Dining: From Breakfast Buffets to Poolside Cocktails (and a Near-Disaster with the Pasta)
Okay, food. Let's talk food. Because, hello, Italy.
Breakfast: The buffet was a glorious spread of pastries, cheeses, fresh fruit, and enough coffee to fuel a small army. (Dining, drinking, and snacking: Breakfast [buffet], Asian breakfast, Western breakfast). The coffee shop served amazing espressos.
Restaurants: There's a restaurant serving both (Dining, drinking, and snacking: International cuisine, Asian cuisine, Vegetarian restaurant) – and I made a beeline for the pasta. This is the moment I think I had an emotional reaction, I was so excited to grab a plate of pasta. I ordered a simple cacio e pepe. What arrived? A bowl of overcooked noodles and a suspiciously bland sauce. I’m not one to send food back, but I am one to silently weep, so I tried my best.
(Dining, drinking, and snacking: Poolside bar, Snack bar, Bar). The poolside bar, however, was a lifesaver. Cocktails, sunshine, and that “escape” feeling. The (Dining, drinking, and snacking: Bottle of water) was there for me the whole time.
(Cleanliness and safety: Sanitized kitchen and tableware items, Safe dining setup, Staff trained in safety protocol) all of the above are in place to help people relax.
Relaxation Station: Spa Sensations and Panoramic Pools
The spa. Oh, the spa. Picture this: a massage that practically melted me into the table. (Ways to relax: Massage, Spa, Spa/sauna, Sauna, Steamroom, Body scrub, Body wrap, Pool with view). The pool with a view? Jaw-dropping. Truly, I’ve never seen a more perfect place to sit, sip a drink, and simply… be. The gym is available for those who need to work-out. (Ways to relax: Gym/fitness, Fitness center, Foot bath).
Accessibility & Safety: A Mixed Bag (but Mostly Good!)
Accessibility: As mentioned, the elevators are a major plus. Overall, they try hard to accommodate, which I appreciate.
Cleanliness: This is where they truly shine. (Cleanliness and safety: Anti-viral cleaning products, Daily disinfection in common areas, Hand sanitizer, Hygiene certification, Individually-wrapped food options, Physical distancing of at least 1 meter, Rooms sanitized between stays.) The staff were constantly cleaning and sanitizing, which made me feel safe and at ease.
Services and conveniences: Everything You Need (and Some You Don't)
(Services and conveniences: Air conditioning in public area, Concierge, Daily housekeeping, Doorman, Dry cleaning, Elevator, Facilities for disabled guests, Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop, Laundry service, Luggage storage, Safety deposit boxes, Terrace, Wi-Fi for special events.) The concierge was super helpful. They arranged a cooking class for me. The gift shop was cute.
Little Extras:
- Internet Access: Free Wi-Fi in all rooms. Solid, reliable connection. Good job, guys!
- (Services and conveniences: Cash withdrawal, Currency exchange, Ironing service, Meeting/banquet facilities, Smoking area), all in place and well maintained.
Would I Go Back?
Absolutely. Despite the pasta incident, the slightly wonky curtains, and my parking adventure, Escape to Paradise is a truly special place. It’s got the perfect mix of luxury, relaxation, and charm. It’s not perfect, but that’s what makes it so… real.
Here's the truth: It's a place that embraces the beauty of imperfection, and it's a place where you can truly, genuinely, escape.
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Craving a getaway that’s both luxurious and authentic? Escape to Paradise in the stunning White City of Ostuni, Italy! Imagine yourself relaxing by a gorgeous pool with a view, indulging in spa treatments, and savoring delicious Italian cuisine.
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- Breathtaking location: Nestled in the heart of Ostuni, with views that will take your breath away.
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- Convenient Amenities: Free Wi-Fi, concierge services, and more to make your stay seamless.
- Safety First: Enjoy a clean and safe environment, with stringent hygiene protocols in place.
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Alright, buckle up buttercups, because you're about to experience my imaginary, utterly chaotic week at Belvilla by OYO Palazzo Ostuni! I'm talking sun-drenched Puglia, the bluest of bluest seas, and enough pasta to make me question all my life choices. Prepare for the emotional rollercoaster that is ME on vacation.
Subject: My Ostuni Extravaganza (Or, How I Tried to Become an Italian Renaissance Painting and May or May Not Have Succeeded)
Day 1: Arrival & The Great White City Swoon
- Time: 9:00 AM (ish) - Flight arrives in Brindisi.
- Transportation: Ryanair (pray for my sanity, and the intactness of my tiny suitcase). Hire a car – because taxis in Italy are a myth whispered by travel agents.
- Anecdote: Picture this, me, slightly sleep-deprived from the ridiculously early flight, attempting to navigate the Brindisi airport in a daze. My Italian skills? Zero. My car rental company? Also, zero. Ended up waving my hands wildly at a bewildered kiosk attendant whilst muttering the phrase "ostuni…bianco…casa!" (Worked surprisingly well, actually).
- Time: 11:00 AM - Drive to Palazzo Ostuni (fingers crossed I don't end up in a sheep field).
- Time: 1:00 PM – Check-in at Belvilla (or what feels like a palazzo!) and immediate swoon.
- Emotional Reaction: OMG, the white walls! The bougainvillea spilling over the balconies! I swear, I actually gasped. It's like Ostuni itself is a giant, whitewashed wedding cake. I might cry. In a good way.
- Time: 2:00 PM - Lunch at a Trattoria in Ostuni's old town. Anywhere with a view, I'm there.
- Opinionated Language: This is where you need to order the orecchiette. Seriously, if you don't, you're doing it wrong. And the local wine? Forget about it. Just drink the whole bottle and then try to remember the names of the dishes. It all runs together after a while in the sun.
- Time: 4:00 PM - Wander the narrow, winding streets of Ostuni. Get lost. Embrace it.
- Quirky Observation: Italian cats. They're different. They're sleek, sassy, and seem to judge you with a raised eyebrow while they're lounging in the sun. One almost ran me over, clearly judging my fashion choices (or lack of).
- Time: 7:00 PM - Aperitivo at a rooftop bar overlooking the Adriatic Sea.
- Messy Structure: Okay, here's where things get… hazy. Spritzes. Many spritzes. Sunset. More spritzes. Possibly singing along to Italian pop songs. Regrets? None.
Day 2: Coastal Bliss & Olive Oil Dreams
Time: 9:00 AM - Panic for breakfast (have I already eaten all the biscotti I bought yesterday?).
Time: 10:00 AM - Drive to the coast! Probably Lido Morelli. Or maybe a different beach. I'll decide when I arrive.
Time: 11:00 AM - Beach time! Swimming, sunbathing, attempting to read a book but mostly just staring at the unbelievably blue water.
- Emotional Reaction: Pure, unadulterated bliss. The sun on my skin, the sound of the waves… I feel like I could stay here forever. (Until the sand gets in my swimming costume, then it's a different story).
Time: 1:00 PM - Casual Lunch at a beachside "chiringuito" (beach bar). Seafood. Possibly more wine.
- Messier Structure: Okay, so I had this HUGE plan to try to only speak Italian to the staff. Went okay until I was trying to point at the menu. Then I resorted to a mix of Charades and the word "buono." Everyone seemed to understand and I got a tasty lunch out of it.
Time: 3:00 PM - Olive Oil Farm excursion. Learning about the process. Possibly buying way too much olive oil and considering becoming an olive farmer.
- Doubling Down on a Single Experience: This is where I went down a rabbit hole. The olive oil tasting? Forget it. I was obsessed. I started sniffing, swirling, and practically bathing in the stuff. The farmer seemed amused, then intrigued, then slightly alarmed. I left with three bottles (one for me, two for my imaginary future olive oil empire). My luggage won't appreciate this.
Time: 6:00 PM - Back to Palazzo Ostuni. Shower. Decide I’m still too full to move.
Time: 8:00 PM - Dinner. Restaurant choice: Any recommended local restaurant.
Time: 9:30 PM - Walking around town, enjoying the night lights, and people watching.
Day 3: Lecce and Baroque Beauty (and a Near Disaster)
- Time: 9:00 AM - Breakfast. Coffee. Lots of coffee.
- Time: 10:00 AM - Drive to Lecce. The Baroque city!
- Time: 12:00 PM - Wander the ancient streets and be blown away by the architecture.
- Opinionated Language: Lecce is stunning. Just… stunning. The architecture is just insane. It's like the whole city is a giant, intricately carved wedding cake, only, you know, made of stone.
- Time: 1:00 PM - Lunch. In Lecce, somewhere fancy?
- Anecdote: Okay, disaster averted. I got hopelessly lost on the way to the restaurant. And the GPS was absolutely no help. Ended up driving down narrow, ancient streets that were surely meant for donkeys. I just narrowly avoided an accident. Got my bearings and made it to a lovely restaurant in the end. But my heart was pounding for an hour.
- Time: 3:00 PM - Visit Piazza del Duomo, Piazza Sant'Oronzo, and the Roman Amphitheatre.
- Time: 6:00 PM - Gelato! Or two, probably. Can't be too careful.
- Time: 7:00 PM - Back to Palazzo Ostuni.
- Time: 8:00 PM - Dinner, possibly at the palazzo?
Day 4: Cooking Class and Culinary Mishaps (and Triumph!)
- Time: 9:00 AM - Decide what kind of breakfast. Is it going to be the same as day two?
- Time: 10:00 AM - Cooking class! Learn how to make pasta!
- Time: 1:00 PM - Eat the pasta! Hopefully, it's edible.
- Emotional Reaction: Okay, so, I can officially say I can make pasta. But "can" is a generous word. The sauce, however, was to die for. I felt very proud to have made it from scratch!
- Time: 2:00 PM - Relaxing time.
- Time: 7:00 PM - Dinner at a different restaurant in Ostuni, with our newfound pasta making confidence.
Day 5: Market Day & Retail Therapy (and a Hidden Gem)
- Time: 9:00 AM - Farmers Market! Stock up on local produce.
- Time: 10:00 AM - Shopping at the local shops (bring an extra suitcase, just in case).
- Time: 1:00 PM - Lunch, hopefully some nice fresh ingredients.
- Time: 2:00 PM - Drive to a hidden beach cove.
- Time: 4:00 pm - Back to Palazzo Ostuni, after a day of fun.
- Time: 8:00 PM - Dinner.
Day 6: Trulli Time and the Fairy Tale of Alberobello (with a Side of Tourist Traps)
- Time: 9:00 AM - Breakfast. Thinking about packing soon.
- Time: 10:00 AM - Drive to Alberobello!
- Time: 12:00 PM - Exploring Alberobello.
- Quirky Observation: The Trulli! The little white houses with the conical roofs! They're ridiculously charming. It feels like stepping into a fairy tale. (Or, maybe, a Disney movie, depending on how many other tourists are there. which there are a
So, What *IS* This Thing We're Supposed to Be Talking About, Anyway? (If I even remember)
Ugh, right. Okay, bear with me. I swear, I was *just* thinking about this... and now it's gone. Poof! Brain fart. Let's just say... It's about *life*. Sort of. More specifically, it's about those things that make you go, "Wait... what?" and then you're either laughing your head off or wanting to curl up in a ball and cry. Essentially, it's all about making sense of the beautifully chaotic, hilariously heartbreaking, and sometimes utterly baffling experience of *being*. Think of it as a really long, rambling therapy session... with me. And *you*. And maybe the dog. He’s judging me, I know it.
**See, for the longest time, I thought I had a handle on things. LOL. I do not.**
Why Are You Telling Me This? What's the Point? (Don't Judge, I'm Just Asking!)
Why? Good question! Honestly? Probably because I need to work through some stuff. And maybe, just *maybe*, if I'm struggling with it, you are too? Misery loves company, right? (Kidding! Mostly.) But seriously, I think it's helpful to know you're not alone in the weirdness. Like, remember that time you… Oh god, I'm going off on a tangent already. Sorry. Back to the point. I'm hoping to make you think, laugh, maybe feel something other than the crushing weight of the world... and maybe (just maybe) realize that we're all just winging it here. And that's okay. It's more than okay, it's kinda the point.
Okay, But What *Specifically* Are We Diving Into Here? Is There a Theme? (Besides Chaos)
Theme? You want a *theme*? Look, I'm grabbing at straws... So, how about "The Human Condition, in All Its Messy Glory"? I mean, we're gonna talk about... Okay, this just feels like a list. I hate lists. But fine. Let's say:**Relationships (ugh), the Absurdity of Life, Things I've Screwed Up (A LOT), Existential Dread (my old friend), Finding Joy in the Mundane (if you can find any), and the Occasional Recipe (because, food).** Don't hold me to it. I reserve the right to spontaneously veer off into discussions about the proper way to fold a fitted sheet (still haven't figured that one out, folks).
So, Regarding Relationships... Tell Me Something Interesting - Anything!
Okay, buckle up, because relationships are… well, they’re a rollercoaster of emotions, mostly terrifying. Let's talk dating. That particular pit of despair is… something else. I remember this one guy, right? Let's call him… Kevin. Kevin was into... *everything*. "Yeah girl, I love the gym, and hiking, and books, and food. I'm a catch!" Okay, Kevin. He was all enthusiasm, no follow-through. First date, he arrived three hours late because he, and I quote, "got lost in a conversation about the socio-economic impact of artisanal cheese." (Seriously?) It was downhill from there. Another time, I had a guy bring me a gift. A *vacuum cleaner*. After the second date. Apparently, he thought he was improving my apartment. Yes, I took the vacuum. No, I never saw him again. My friends and I had a good laugh!
What About the Absurdity of Life? Give Me an Example! (I'm Trying to Follow!)
Oh, the absurdity! My favorite! Okay, so yesterday I was trying to buy a new phone. Sounds simple, right? Wrong. First, I spent an hour comparing models, getting increasingly frustrated because every single phone seemed to have some major flaw (and also looked exactly the same). Then, I went to the store. There was a twenty-minute wait just to *ask* for a phone, a guy yelling on his phone about a parking ticket, and a small child who was practicing the art of the tantrum. The sales guy was also clearly having a day I'd guess. I wanted to just scream. I just wanted a working phone! It's such a fundamental thing! Getting a phone should be simple. But no. Nope. It was a comedy of errors, a masterclass in inefficiency, a perfect encapsulation of the fact that life is inherently ridiculous!
You Mentioned Screwing Up. Want to Share? (I'm Here for the Disaster!)
Oh, honey, where do I even *begin*? Let's see... There was the time I accidentally sent out a mass email with a subject line that was meant for my therapist ("Panic Attack Bingo!"). Oops. Then there was the incident involving the red dress, the spilled wine, and the very awkward encounter with my ex's new girlfriend. (It was *not* the dress. I swear.) BUT the biggest one? Okay, prepare yourself. I once tried to bake a cake for a friend's birthday. I’m not a baker. I thought I could follow the recipe but I was so stressed out because everything was going wrong. The oven was too hot, I couldn't find the proper measuring spoons and I misread the instructions. The cake looked like a volcanic eruption when it came out. My friend arrived, and I burst into tears. Looking back, it's hilarious, but in the moment? Utter disaster! But hey, at least it made a story. And that's what matters, right?
Existential Dread. Fun! Let's Talk About That...
Ugh. Dread. My old frenemy. It hits you at the most inconvenient times, doesn't it? Like when you're trying to enjoy a perfectly good cup of coffee. The thought of our own mortality, the vastness of the universe, the meaninglessness of it all… it’s a lot to process with your morning brew. I’ve gotten stuck on this many times, you know? Just staring at the ceiling at 3 am, completely unable to think about anything but the fact that eventually, all of this, *everything*, will cease to exist. The biggest thing is, trying to work out if I am spending my time correctly.
