Escape to Paradise: Jehan Numa's Luxurious Bhopal Retreat
Alright, buckle up, buttercups, because we're diving headfirst into Jehan Numa Palace, a Bhopal beauty that's trying to be an "Escape to Paradise." Let's see if they actually deliver. I'm going to be brutally honest, because let's face it, you deserve the real deal, not some glossy brochure BS.
Accessibility: (Let's start with the important bits)
Okay, so accessibility is listed here, but the details… well, they're vague. "Facilities for disabled guests" - that's it? Come on, Jehan Numa! I'd love to see real specifics, like ramp locations, dedicated parking, and accessible room dimensions. This is a must-have update for them.
On-site Accessible Restaurants/Lounges: (Needs a check, and better info)
Another one where specifics are missing. Are the restaurants and lounges actually wheelchar accessible? Are tables at the right height? I’d need a concrete answer before recommending anything.
Wheelchair Accessible (I’m REALLY hoping)
See above. This is a deal-breaker for some, and the vagueness is seriously off-putting. They need to show me. Not just say. Get the picture?
Internet Access: The Modern Necessity
- Internet: Listed. Okay.
- Internet [LAN]: Even better! Old school LAN!
- Internet Services: Need a peek at the actual service level.
- Wi-Fi in public areas: Got it.
- Free Wi-Fi in all rooms!: Glory be! This is the bare minimum these days. And a lifesaver for staying connected, especially if you're a travel blogger, I mean…travel enthusiast.
- Internet: (Again, making sure it's up to par)
Things to Do/Ways to Relax: (This is where the magic should happen)
Alright, this is what we're all here for, right? Forget the boring business meetings (unless… you like that sort of thing. Weirdos). Let's get to the good stuff.
- Body Scrub, Body Wrap: I’m a fan of a good scrub. Think of it: dead skin cells banished! You emerge, glowing and new! Sigh.
- Fitness Center, Gym/Fitness: Okay, some people care about this. (Cough, my partner.) I'll poke my head in and probably judge the equipment.
- Foot Bath: Ooh, a foot bath! Sounds promising. After a long day of… well, being anywhere, a foot soak can be heavenly.
- Massage, Sauna, Spa, Spa/Sauna, Steamroom: Okay, now we're talking! This is where they can truly redeem themselves. A good spa experience is a must. I'm picturing lavender-infused steam, and a massage therapist who can work out the knots in my shoulders from…well, from life. That's a definite win.
- Pool with View, Swimming Pool, Swimming pool [outdoor]: A pool is a non-negotiable at this level. If the pool has a great view though, I'm in. Seriously.
- Poolside Bar: Poolside bar! Essential for the ultimate relaxation. I'm already envisioning cocktails and gossip. Yes, please!
My Take on the Spa (and a bit of a rambling story)
Okay, let's get real for a sec. Spas are make-or-break. I had one experience once, in some swanky hotel in Bali… or was it Thailand?… I’m getting old, okay? Anyway, the therapist was massaging my foot and BAM! She hit some pressure point and a searing pain shot up my leg. I yelped! She just… smiled. Thankfully, Jehan Numa promises a good spa. It absolutely should deliver on the promise. Otherwise, I’m going full Karen and asking for a refund. Just saying.
Cleanliness and Safety: (Essential in today's world)
This is the no-nonsense bit. No screwing around here.
- Anti-viral cleaning products: Good.
- Breakfast in room: Nice touch.
- Cashless payment service: Smart.
- Daily disinfection in common areas: Crucial.
- Doctor/nurse on call, First aid kit: Good.
- Hand sanitizer: Everywhere, please.
- Hot water linen and laundry washing: Absolutely.
- Hygiene certification: Show me.
- Individually-wrapped food options: Necessary.
- Physical distancing of at least 1 meter: Yep.
- Professional-grade sanitizing services: Excellent.
- Room sanitization opt-out available: Okay.
- Rooms sanitized between stays: Standard now.
- Safe dining setup, Sanitized kitchen and tableware items: Essential.
- Shared stationery removed: Excellent.
- Staff trained in safety protocol: Important!
- Sterilizing equipment: Good.
** Dining, Drinking, and Snacking: (FOOD!)**
This is where a hotel either soars or crashes and burns. Let's see what Jehan Numa is offering.
- A la carte in restaurant: Good.
- Alternative meal arrangement: Great for dietary needs.
- Asian breakfast, Asian cuisine in restaurant: Yay, options!
- Bar, Bottle of water: Standard.
- Breakfast [buffet], Breakfast service: Fine.
- Buffet in restaurant: (See above).
- Coffee/tea in restaurant, Coffee shop: Essential for a caffeine addict (me).
- Desserts in restaurant: Important.
- Happy hour: YES.
- International cuisine in restaurant: A good range is always appreciated.
- Poolside bar: (We covered this)
- Restaurants: Plural? Excellent.
- Room service [24-hour]: This is luxurious living!
- Salad in restaurant, Snack bar, Soup in restaurant: Solid options.
- Vegetarian restaurant: Nice.
- Western breakfast, Western cuisine in restaurant: Fine.
Services and Conveniences: (The Little Things)
These are the things that make a stay effortless.
- Air conditioning in public area: Needed!
- Audio-visual equipment for special events: Okay.
- Business facilities, Cash withdrawal, Concierge: Fine.
- Contactless check-in/out: Smart.
- Convenience store: Eh.
- Currency exchange, Daily housekeeping, Doorman: Good.
- Dry cleaning, Elevator: Good.
- Essential condiments, Facilities for disabled guests: (See above comments).
- Food delivery, Gift/souvenir shop: Fine.
- Indoor venue for special events: Depends on the venue.
- Invoice provided, Ironing service, Laundry service, Luggage storage: Essential.
- Meeting/banquet facilities, Meetings, Meeting stationery: Less interesting for me.
- On-site event hosting, Outdoor venue for special events: Fine.
- Projector/LED display, Safety deposit boxes: Standard.
- Seminars, Shrine: Interesting.
- Smoking area, Terrace: Fine.
- Wi-Fi for special events: Good.
- Xerox/fax in business center: Okay.
For the Kids:
- Babysitting service, Family/child friendly, Kids facilities, Kids meal: They get a thumbs up for this because Jehan Numa seems geared towards all types of guests, including families.
Access, Security, and the Nitty Gritty:
- CCTV in common areas, CCTV outside property: Good for security. It's a must.
- Check-in/out [express], Check-in/out [private]: Great options.
- Couple's room: Ahem.
- Exterior corridor, Fire extinguisher, Front desk [24-hour]: Standard.
- Hotel chain, Non-smoking rooms: Fine.
- Pets allowed unavailable: This is sad. No pets! (Unless it’s my dog, I am not biased.)
- Proposal spot: Cute! (If you're into that.)
- Room decorations: Hoping for tasteful.
- Safety/security feature… Security [24-hour]: Crucial.
- Smoke alarms, Soundproof rooms: Important for peace.
- Exterior corridor: Eh.
Getting around:
- Airport transfer, Bicycle parking, Car park [free of charge], Car park [on-site]: All good.
- Car power charging station, Taxi service, Valet parking: Excellent.
Available in All Rooms (The Real Deal):
- Additional toilet, Air conditioning, Alarm clock, Bathrobes, Bathroom phone: Some
Okay, buckle up buttercups, because this isn't your grandma's perfectly-ironed itinerary. This is…well, me, planning a “relaxing” escape to the Jehan Numa Retreat Club and Spa in Bhopal, India. And if I know myself, "relaxing" will probably involve me simultaneously sweating, panicking about my phone battery, and desperately trying to get Instagram-worthy photos of peacocks.
The Great Bhopal Break: A Trainwreck in Progress (or, how I plan to "retreat")
Day 1: Arrival and a Delusional Sense of Calm
Morning (6:00 AM - 8:00 AM): Wake up. Or more accurately, attempt to wake up, after a night of hyper-ventilating about packing. (Did I pack enough socks? What if I need a…a special sock? I need snacks). Drag myself to the airport. Greeted by an enthusiastic airport official who, looking at my baggage, probably assumed I was moving to Bhopal permanently. "Welcome to India," he chirped (and didn't offer to carry my bags). I grunt in response. Already emotionally drained.
Mid-Morning (8:00 AM - 12:00 PM): The flight. Let's just say it wasn't exactly smooth. Crying baby (no judgement, except, maybe, a little judgement). Turbulence that made me clutch my rosary beads (which I don't even own). And a near-miss with a rogue beverage cart. Arriving at Bhopal Airport (Raja Bhoj Airport) – feels like a minor miracle. The air smells different. Like…curry and exhaust fumes, but somehow…intriguing?
Afternoon (12:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Taxi to Jehan Numa. The drive: chaotic beauty. Cows, scooters, the sheer volume of life on the streets… I'm immediately overwhelmed and also strangely exhilarated. Check in. The hotel is, in a word, stunning. Mughal architecture, lush gardens, peacocks strutting around looking down their noses at me. My room? Gorgeous. Panic sets in: Did I pack the right clothes? Did I bring enough outfits to make the most of such a luxurious place?
Late Afternoon (4:00 PM - 6:00 PM): The pool. This, people, is what I came for. Sun, water, peace… or so I thought. Turns out, "peace" and "me" are not natural bedfellows. I spend approximately 20 minutes arranging my towel just so, another 10 minutes obsessing over my sun hat, and then, finally, dip my toe into the water. Followed by a full body, almost complete, awkward plunge into the water. Then a few minutes of just floating and actually feeling…kinda good. Then I spot a peacock preening, and realize I could be spending my time taking photos.
Evening (6:00 PM - onward): Dinner at one of the hotel restaurants (probably Under the Mango Tree – seems atmospheric). I'll attempt to embrace the slow pace, savor the flavors…and inevitably spend the first 30 minutes fumbling with my chopsticks and wondering whether my outfit is “too casual”. Maybe order a cocktail (or two) to loosen up. Then, if I’m lucky, I'll avoid getting a terrible sunburn.
Day 2: Spa Day and a Brush with Spiritual Enlightenment (Maybe)
Morning (8:00 AM - 10:00 AM): Breakfast buffet. I’m a sucker for a buffet. My goal is to sample everything which, of course, never happens. I will inevitably overeat and regret it later. But that's the journey, right?
Mid-Morning (10:00 AM - 1:00 PM): The SPA. Booked a massage. Deep tissue, I think. I’m picturing myself floating into a state of zen-like bliss. Reality? I’m probably going to giggle uncomfortably while the masseuse works out the knots in my shoulders. The whole time worrying whether I can reach my phone in case someone calls. I’ll try not to snore. Or fart. Or both.
Lunch (1:00 PM - 2:00 PM): Light lunch by the pool (again). This time, I’ll actually try to relax while eating. No staring at the peacock that's already adopted me.
Afternoon (2:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Explore. Wandering around the Jehan Numa grounds. Maybe find that spot where I can stare at the peacocks in peace. See if I can catch a glimpse of the owner's horses – I heard they're majestic.
Late Afternoon (4:00 PM - 6:00 PM): Yoga or meditation session (if I'm feeling brave – and if I can find my yoga pants). This is where things could get interesting. I'm terrible at both, so it's either going to be hilarious or I'll end up with a crick in my neck. Or possibly a minor existential crisis. I’m hoping for hilarious.
Evening (6:00 PM - Onward): Dinner at another restaurant (probably the fine dining one. I'm going to try ordering something I've never tried before. Then, straight into bed. Praying for a solid night's sleep.
Day 3: Bhopal City Sights… and a Crushing Sense of Departure
Morning (8:00 AM - 9:00 AM): Final breakfast. Another attempt to conquer the buffet. This time, I'll definitely try the local sweets.
Mid-Morning (9:00 AM - 1:00 PM): A little sightseeing. I'm thinking a trip to the Taj-ul-Masjid (one of the largest mosques in India – and on my bucket list!). Then maybe the Upper Lake. The weather could be great, or terrible. The traffic will probably be a nightmare. This is the day when I'm most likely to get thoroughly lost and have a mini-meltdown. But I'll try to embrace the chaos.
Lunch (1:00 PM - 2:00 PM): Quick lunch, somewhere local. Street food? Maybe. My stomach is already screaming at me.
Afternoon (2:00 PM - 4:00 PM): Last frantic scramble for souvenirs and mementos. I hope I find a nice scarf. I need a nice scarf. I'll spend an hour agonizing over the perfect item from the hotel shop (which is probably overpriced, but hey, convenience, right?)
Late Afternoon (4:00 PM - 5:00 PM): A final wander around the hotel gardens, desperately trying to soak up every last moment of peace and beauty. Say goodbye to my new peacock friends. I shall miss them.
Evening (5:00 PM - onward): Taxi to the airport. The flight home. Trying not to think about going back to real life. The inevitable post-travel blues. But, hey, at least I'll have some good stories (and probably a slightly sunburnt nose) to tell. Hopefully, I won't have gotten any food poisoning.
The Post-Trip Debrief: (TBD)
I'll update this after the trip. Expect tales of questionable food choices, near-miss taxi rides, and a whole lot of soul-searching (or at least, soul-gawking at peacocks). Pray for me. And feel free to send snacks.
Escape to Paradise: Sauna & Luxury Await in Your Voorhuizen Dream Home
Escape to Paradise: Jehan Numa's Luxurious Bhopal Retreat - Yeah, Let's Talk About It (Messy Style!)
Okay, so, Jehan Numa... Is it *really* as dreamy as the Insta-stories make it out to be? Spill the tea!
Let's talk about the rooms. Worth the price tag? And, uh, are those beds REALLY as comfy as everyone says?
The food! Every review gushes about the food. Did it live up to the hype? And did you overeat? Be honest.
Okay, but what about the *actual* "escape" part? Did you feel relaxed? Did it actually feel like a vacation, or just another stressful travel experience with prettier scenery?
Let's talk service. Did the staff genuinely care, or was it just… polished performance?
Anything you would have changed? (Besides, you know, the whole "price tag" thing.)
So, final verdict: Would you recommend Jehan Numa?
